Discrimination at its finest

Angie Instant Messages me and says, "Hey, there is a huge sale on the Sketchers Website. You should go and check it out." I did and this is what I saw...

Where the HELL is Sandy Plankton?

In a matter of two years I've probably watched Finding Nemo about 348 times. And all this time I've heard Nemo say, Sandy Plankton said, "Sea turtles live to be a hundred years old" and Sandy Planton said "that's called a butt" (it is actually a boat, but we aren't trying to be too critical) and I just realized last night that we never see this so-called Sandy Plankton throughout the entire movie ... is he real or is he a myth? The world may never know.

Chew on this...

A brand new submission to Crunchable ... the theme for February was Loved and Lost. Click me to see what I wrote. :: Adventure Jeans ::

Me on Monday

Quick Question..

Why is it always "probably not" instead of "probably so" ... ?

What goes bump in the middle of the night?

A grown man of 29-years old sleeping in a 4-foot long plastic toddler bed shaped like a fire engine. That's what. But daddys will do just about anything to soothe a sick, crying 2-year old, won't they?

Lost in Translation

For some odd reason people just can't understand kid talk. Here's a list of my boy's favorite lines and what they mean.

Original Verse: "Daddy way dound iv me por a minup."
Translation: "Daddy lay with me for a minute."
Refers to: Nap time and bed time.

Original Verse: "Ubb ewe to."
Translation: "Love you, too."
Refers to: Jackson's response of affection

Original Verse: "Ownt ike it."
Translation: "I don't like it."
Refers to: Anything besides macaroni and cheese.

Original Verse: "Dat bebber?"
Translation: "Is that better."
Refers to: After Cater kisses one of a booboos (usually a freckle).

Original Verse: "Un un uh un uh unn!"
Translation: "What the hell are you doing to me."
Refers to: When Jackson has an aspirator bulb in his nose.

Original Verse: "Awanna botch bunny wabbit"
Translation: "I want to watch Stewart Little 2"
Refers to: All day long...

Hope these help!

Me on Monday

I say what really makes a man is how he deals with Mondays. His smile (or lack there of), his clothes and his unshaven face (in my case). So here's a new tradition I am starting... "Me on Monday". You'll be blessed with a picture of my head every Monday. Aren't you excited? You'll have no idea what the two prior days have "done" to me to make me look the way I do on these Mondays, but a picture speaks a thousand words... doesn't it?

Gotta Getaway

As I was lying in bed this morning, the thought of a getaway just wouldn't escape my mind. Not necessarily one of those two-week vacations or a retreat to a resort, but just one of those 3-day weekend "things". Like a quick run over to St. Louis or maybe up to Chicago. Just to get away from normality for a minute.

Not sure what I love so much about an uncomfortable hotel bed and cheap coffee in that 2-cup pot they put in the rooms... oh wait, now I remember.

I love the drive. Oh do I love the drive. I love the smell of the night air on long trips when the rest of the family is sleeping. I can listen to my music and roll my window down and breathe in life. I can drive fast through cities when no one is looking and Angie is telling me to slow down.

I love the snacks. I love pulling into some random gas station and buying overpriced beef jerky, sunflower seeds and Twinkies. I like buying Peach NeHi. I love that everyone in the car gets something and shares part of it with everyone else. I love the fact we waste $20 on junk food.

I love continental breakfast. I love that rubbery bacon and those wet, mass-produced eggs that have no taste. The fact I can get a bowl of cereal, a donut, a blueberry muffin and a bagel in a hotel lobby wearing my pajamas and a hat and no one finds it weird. I love being have half asleep while opening up 22 packs of sugar and putting it into my coffee cup watching tiny little grains hit the table so later they can scratch my elbows.

The other day I begged Angie to jump in the car with me and drive to New York City. Just for the hell of it. Just to do it. For no other reason. We've never been. It would be fun. But she wouldn't go and I don't like doing things by myself. I'll talk her into it some day. Some day.

*cough* - *sniff* - *sigh*

February in Western Kentucky is my least favorite month. Not because my entire family has fallen victim to Sakpata, but mainly just because is sucks, in general. I always forget, every single year, how much I hate February. I should adore this so-called "month of love" being how that special Hallmark of a holidays resides smack dab in the middle of it. But no, February, at least in my town, is normally just cold, windy wetness and full of ill feelings toward Old Man Winter.

You can almost guarantee every morning when you walk outside to hop into your freezing vehicle the rain will be blowing at you sideways beating at every square inch of your face. Your car will creak and moan at the hell winter has put it through. Your heater will warm up only seconds before you pull into the parking lot to your job. And then it is back into the rain to the entrance to your building. You make several stops to the local CVS to sit in the drive-thru for 30 minutes to hear, "Your prescription isn't quite ready" even though it was called in 7 hours earlier. Your kids get diagnosed with RSV and you and your wife spend Valentine's Day on the couch coughing and sneezing while taking "kill the flu" medicine by the truckloads. Oh, by the way, Happy Valentine's Day, Angie.

It's a sick little game Mother Nature plays on us here in Kentucky. When most people think of winter they think November, December and January to be the harshness, coldest months. But never February; the month before Sister Spring awakens from her slumber to grace us with marigolds and allergies.

How is it that every year I forget that February sucks? I will not forget next year. I mustn't forget next year. Next year I will be ready to hate February before it comes. That'll give me something to look forward to.