Me on Sunday (after last but before next Monday)

Better late than never, they say. I am dedicated to my MOM (Me on Monday) photo, but a 'puter problem last, last Friday hindered in from happening on time.

Great News!

No. Not really.

I am not always the biggest fan of radio programming. I am normally drawn to a CD burned from a compilation of some random genres streaming from my iTunes. It's safer that way. I always hear what I want. Always.

Angie thinks it is so funny to eject my CD every morning when she drives to her exercise class at 4:45 am. We don't always share the same taste in music and she is always longing for something different instead of the same ole stuff. I like my stuff. Over and over. So it's sort of a habit as soon as I jump in the truck I reach over and pop the CD back into the slot and jam out to some Jack Johnson, Sting, Eightball & MJG, Akon, Cypress Hill & Greg Kihn. I told you it was super-random.

Although, this morning I didn't. I just listened to 103.7 WFGE - Froggyland Radio! I live about 4 minutes from my office. The news was on. There were 4 news stories in that span. #1: There was a 5.2 earthquake in Salem, Illinois that was felt across Froggyland. #2: There was a fire that burnt down a historic building and restaurant (The Iron Kettle) in Grand Rivers, Kentucky. #3: A mental institution in Kentucky was suspended from operating for violations on security as one of their "prisoners", who had a history of escaping, escaped again, stole a truck, was involved in a hit and run and led police across a three-county vehicle chase. #4: Murray, Kentucky children have an interesting opportunity to meet Governor Ed Whitfield, today. And I am the pessimist?

Happy Friggin' Friday ...

Me on Monday

NEW HUSBAND STORE

A store that sells new husbands has opened in New York City, where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates:

- You may visit this store ONLY ONCE!
- There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights.
- The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
- So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband.
- On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

.....................

Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs.
She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids.
'That's nice,' she thinks, 'but I want more.' So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking.
'Wow,' she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework.
'Oh, mercy me!' she exclaims, 'I can hardly stand it!' Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak.
She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor.

This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store.

.............

PLEASE NOTE:

To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street.

- The first floor has wives that love sex.
- The second floor has wives that love sex and have money and like beer.
- The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited.

Me on Monday

9 PHRASES WOMEN USE

(1) Fine: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) Five Minutes: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) Nothing: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in fine.

(4) Go Ahead: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

(5) Loud Sigh: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) That's Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) Thanks: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome' .... that will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) Whatever: Is a women's way of saying F@!K YOU!

(9) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3