Subconcious?
It's weird how sometimes things creep up on you, isn't it? No matter what you tell yourself during the time-being, one day you just finally realize "it" happened. I did it with smoking (among other things). Maybe you have done it with your finances or your marriage. It is normally a bad "it", I think.
I started smoking at church, of all places, with an older buddy. Just once a week, on Sunday. I told myself I wouldn't do it elsewhere nor would I ever buy my own. I remember buying (well paying for since I was merely 14) my first pack. I was in Dover, TN at a little gas station with the greatest chicken in the world. I told myself I needed to buy smokes because each Sunday I bummed a smoke from my buddy and it just wasn't right. Normally I would only smoke on Sunday's but over the course of time, I would do it other places and then more and more and more and more... It was a habit, wasn't it. "Hell no", I told myself! Riiiiiight (my Dr. Evil voice).
Ha! Looking back, it is impossible for me to decide why exactly I told myself these things. I don't believe I was in denial. For God sakes it choked me and gave me the hiccups nearly every time I inhaled. What is it that made me lie to myself? An evil subconscious? Maybe it was denial. Either way, it simply crept up on me. Out of nowhere, I was buying cigarettes on a regular basis and "needed" one every-so-often.
So now that I have rambled about something I didn't even me to, I am now going to write about what I wanted to; my job and how bad it has gotten since its inception nearly 9 months ago. If anyone saw my blog before today, you would have seen a very long and upsetting post I blogged about my coworkers. It was deleted for fear of someone actually reading it. Whoa, did I really say that? I deleted it because I didn't want anyone to read it? I actually get excited when I see comments placed on my blogs. Huh. Weird. Maybe that's another one of those subconscious situations breaking through.
That's enough for now - I'll talk about my job later....
I started smoking at church, of all places, with an older buddy. Just once a week, on Sunday. I told myself I wouldn't do it elsewhere nor would I ever buy my own. I remember buying (well paying for since I was merely 14) my first pack. I was in Dover, TN at a little gas station with the greatest chicken in the world. I told myself I needed to buy smokes because each Sunday I bummed a smoke from my buddy and it just wasn't right. Normally I would only smoke on Sunday's but over the course of time, I would do it other places and then more and more and more and more... It was a habit, wasn't it. "Hell no", I told myself! Riiiiiight (my Dr. Evil voice).
Ha! Looking back, it is impossible for me to decide why exactly I told myself these things. I don't believe I was in denial. For God sakes it choked me and gave me the hiccups nearly every time I inhaled. What is it that made me lie to myself? An evil subconscious? Maybe it was denial. Either way, it simply crept up on me. Out of nowhere, I was buying cigarettes on a regular basis and "needed" one every-so-often.
So now that I have rambled about something I didn't even me to, I am now going to write about what I wanted to; my job and how bad it has gotten since its inception nearly 9 months ago. If anyone saw my blog before today, you would have seen a very long and upsetting post I blogged about my coworkers. It was deleted for fear of someone actually reading it. Whoa, did I really say that? I deleted it because I didn't want anyone to read it? I actually get excited when I see comments placed on my blogs. Huh. Weird. Maybe that's another one of those subconscious situations breaking through.
That's enough for now - I'll talk about my job later....
posted by Wall Appeals at 10.10.05
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