Pouring it out.
For the past 5 years I have wanted to journalize my feelings, emotions, thoughts, etc. about my daughter and our "situation". I have went back and forth on it since the thought. Not sure why. Fear, I guess of how I really feel? We are a broken home (actually, we were never a non-broken home so it can't be broken - her mother was simply a party favor at all the parties and I got stuck with the bill - so to speak.)
I always swore to myself I would tell my daughter everything about how she came into this world and into this certain situation of bouncing back and forth between bipolar ends of the universe. I assume that most children with two sets of parents or a split family are at least in the same setting at both houses. Not this one. As shallow as it may sound, I am a better person than "the others". You see, I feel it isn't the best idea to take my daughter to see The Incredible Hulk, a PG-13 film, when she is 5 years old, at the 9:45 p.m. late show, with wet hair, the same day she stayed home sick from school.
We disagree on everything! I am a big supporter of helping my kids through school. There are certain things we all know that are good and bad for our children to do and not do. It is extremely sad, but it is true. We want them to be popular, we want them to be liked. We want them to play sports. We want them to be attractive. We want them to be smart. We want them to hang with the "right kids" and do the "right stuff". If you disagree, I bet you are lying to yourself. Who on earth wouldn't want to be popular and liked? Now I am not talking paparazzi-liked, just well-liked. So there are certain paths you take to do this. There are many paths that lead you to the same place, but at our school the girls cheered and the boys played soccer. Instant popularity! The teachers look at you differently and you do better in school. Did you know there was a study on grades solely on kids names? (crap, I am rambling - I have actually started 5 posts now and haven't finished one because of my mind-wondering nature - we'll talk about that later). Look at the statistics. I have little to no control over what my daughter does as I only see her about 8 days a month. So she races four-wheelers. She hates it. She has told me. They make her do it because she said; AND I QUOTE "This could turn into something big one day and if she gets good enough she'll be able to take care of us". WTF??!! Isn't that a parent's job? To take care of the kids, not the other way around? She eve has to hang out at her step-dad's work and gets all oily and greasy playing around/under cars. Her mom and step-dad cannot have children and they are turning her into the boy they can't have.
Now I know kids will do as they wish. But, we must steer them to the path that will help them through life. That is our jobs as parents. Why would anyone wish to make their children' life harder? The thing is, I can't blame "them". The have no clue. *sigh* (I sigh a lot, btw). They are clueless to any and everything we talk about. They are high school dropouts, my wife and I are nearly finished with our Master's. We live in a house we bought by saving our money, they rent because they aren't sure what the word asset means. We put back our tax refund for our kids college, they get rapid refund and buy crap until it is gone. I talk with my friends about life, computers, movies, music, technology, education, politics and they talk about NASCAR, WWE, chaining a motor to a tree and tattoos.
I think of myself as a selfless individual. I work hard. I work very hard so my wife can stay home with our new son and he isn't raise by strangers. So she can see his first smile, his first steps and get his first real hug. I will do everything I can to mold him into a great man. I will give him the knowledge, the drive, the inspiration and the integrity to make something great of himself. My only wish is that in the 8 days a month I see my daughter, some of that will rub off on her.
This really wasn't meant to be my first post. I guess all this mind-wondering and emotion will cause me to be unlike most bloggers an post multiple times a day instead of once a week. Happy Monday!
I always swore to myself I would tell my daughter everything about how she came into this world and into this certain situation of bouncing back and forth between bipolar ends of the universe. I assume that most children with two sets of parents or a split family are at least in the same setting at both houses. Not this one. As shallow as it may sound, I am a better person than "the others". You see, I feel it isn't the best idea to take my daughter to see The Incredible Hulk, a PG-13 film, when she is 5 years old, at the 9:45 p.m. late show, with wet hair, the same day she stayed home sick from school.
We disagree on everything! I am a big supporter of helping my kids through school. There are certain things we all know that are good and bad for our children to do and not do. It is extremely sad, but it is true. We want them to be popular, we want them to be liked. We want them to play sports. We want them to be attractive. We want them to be smart. We want them to hang with the "right kids" and do the "right stuff". If you disagree, I bet you are lying to yourself. Who on earth wouldn't want to be popular and liked? Now I am not talking paparazzi-liked, just well-liked. So there are certain paths you take to do this. There are many paths that lead you to the same place, but at our school the girls cheered and the boys played soccer. Instant popularity! The teachers look at you differently and you do better in school. Did you know there was a study on grades solely on kids names? (crap, I am rambling - I have actually started 5 posts now and haven't finished one because of my mind-wondering nature - we'll talk about that later). Look at the statistics. I have little to no control over what my daughter does as I only see her about 8 days a month. So she races four-wheelers. She hates it. She has told me. They make her do it because she said; AND I QUOTE "This could turn into something big one day and if she gets good enough she'll be able to take care of us". WTF??!! Isn't that a parent's job? To take care of the kids, not the other way around? She eve has to hang out at her step-dad's work and gets all oily and greasy playing around/under cars. Her mom and step-dad cannot have children and they are turning her into the boy they can't have.
Now I know kids will do as they wish. But, we must steer them to the path that will help them through life. That is our jobs as parents. Why would anyone wish to make their children' life harder? The thing is, I can't blame "them". The have no clue. *sigh* (I sigh a lot, btw). They are clueless to any and everything we talk about. They are high school dropouts, my wife and I are nearly finished with our Master's. We live in a house we bought by saving our money, they rent because they aren't sure what the word asset means. We put back our tax refund for our kids college, they get rapid refund and buy crap until it is gone. I talk with my friends about life, computers, movies, music, technology, education, politics and they talk about NASCAR, WWE, chaining a motor to a tree and tattoos.
I think of myself as a selfless individual. I work hard. I work very hard so my wife can stay home with our new son and he isn't raise by strangers. So she can see his first smile, his first steps and get his first real hug. I will do everything I can to mold him into a great man. I will give him the knowledge, the drive, the inspiration and the integrity to make something great of himself. My only wish is that in the 8 days a month I see my daughter, some of that will rub off on her.
This really wasn't meant to be my first post. I guess all this mind-wondering and emotion will cause me to be unlike most bloggers an post multiple times a day instead of once a week. Happy Monday!
posted by Wall Appeals at 10.10.05
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