Dear Angie,

Angie, I love you. I love you so much. You are a wonderful, wonderful woman. You cook and clean and take care of our children and work so very, very hard. Your patient and kind. Your strong and beautiful. Your smart and even sort of funny. You've got it all! But listen, if you ever, and I mean ever buy that cheap-ass toliet paper again, I'll string you up by your eyelids on rusty fish hooks. Mkay?

Your dearest husband,
Jus

PS: I'll take it to the office and you buy some more. Adam normally just uses paper towels anyway so he'll think it's great!